How to start……

 

After giving it a lot of thoughts i now finally decided to start a blog, just for the fact that i love writing and a friend who suggested it and gave me the adress.. what he said kinda convinced me – it doesn’t matter wheter somebody’s gonna read it or not for it should be fun for ME!

so, how do u start a blog?? usually my fingers guide me and i don’t have to think a lot when writing something, so i guess i’ll just trust them.

hey guys… for anybody who doesn’t know – i’ve been living in the US (NY) for 9 and a half months now, working as an au pair, and i was supposed to go back to austria in august. for some reason the mere thought of it made me panick, so i decided to stay another 6 months after my initial year’s over, that means i’ll probably stay in the united states until febuary09. i would even stay longer but i gotta get back into school, i can’t “waste” too much time (waste being the completely wrong expression.. u know what i mean) so i just got this email yesterday that my extension that i aplicated for 2 weeks ago has been granted, i got so excited. now i have 3 months to find a “new family” to live with for the last half year,bcuz despite my my biiiiiiiiiiiiig love to nyc i do not want to stay here in this area (upstate ny) any longer, especially as i’m gonna be here for another winter and the last one was hell…
so right now i’m experiencing it once again…. living just for the moment and not knowing what’sa come next, i have no clue where and with what kind of people i’m gonna end up, all i know is that it’s gonna be somewhere in the us. but in all honesty, that’s all that matters to me right now. i just love being here, meeting all those great people, learning so many new things each and every day, there’s so many advantages and i don’t know how to explain how happy i am that i took that step to leave my country = my family, friends, home, my whole environment. after the first euphoria  i was experiencing  a real crisis… i was so unhappy with myself, i just did not like myself and i hate(ed) to admit that, like so many times before in my life i was just admiring other people for who they are and thinking that i could never be like them… and i’m really proud to say that i was so wrong, i changed a lot in the past 6 months and – my mum can confirm that  – a couple of months ago i absolutely fell in love with the new me =) sounds funny, but i just felt sooooo incredibly happy, so satisfied, so content. there was nothing that could get me down. but it was simple things that made me realize how much i changed… i would sit outside and feel the sun on my skin or hearing a song i like or just curling up in my bed and “watching” myself falling asleep and feel like there’s no better feeling in the whole world. For several days  everything felt so complete, it was an allround- happyness that i’ve never known – great feeling! anyway… one might think it sounds arrogant but i’m just very proud of who i became and i can look back and i see that i’ve gone through a lot of positive changes and for the first time in my life i just wanna be ME and nobody else, i feel like i’m the person i always wanted to be, it took me so many years to realize that i won’t find that person in anybody else. i just wanna thank all those people who helped me becoming who i am today, right now. wink to mimi at this point, she knows why…

what a dramatical start hope ya’ll r still with me haha
just wanted to make some things clear right from the beginning, i’m not just gonna write about myself all the time, don’t worry.  to my folks back home: i have to write in english as i now, thanks to me being here, have friends from all over the world, special thanks to ma girls from sweden and brazil for making my time here soooooooooo enjoyable!!

- later
LENA